Be Thou Perfect

Perfectionism. this is me to the T. I have been thinking about this all day today. in a way it can be one of my greatest characteristics but at the same time one of my most debilitating. I used to think that being a "perfectionist" could only be positive trait to have...i was always proud to say i was a perfectionist because it made me feel more accomplished. Now I'm realizing that it is one of my greatest flaws.

School has been very frustrating for me this term. I have never been put in a position where i am working my butt off just to get a C. My whole life i have been able to get A's. If there was a subject that i didn't understand all i had to do was try a little harder, read a little more or do a little extra studying and i would be able to understand it. Not this semester. i have never experienced anything like this. I cant even describe how awful it feels to put hours and hours of studying in...only to feel like i would have gotten the same score by doing nothing at all. Am i wasting my time studying? am i stressing over nothing? Today after tedious tutoring sessions that left me on the verge of tears i put my books away and decided i wasn't even going to look at it for the rest of the day.

This is what got to thinking about this concept of perfectionism. why do i get so down when i cant be perfect? why do i even expect that i can be perfect in the first place? sometimes i just need to realize that I'm not always going to be able to check everything off my list, to reach every goal, or to please every one; and that's OK. nobody is expected to be able to do that. it is the let-downs in life that allow us to grow the most. if we didn't have these discouragements then we would have no room for improvement. What a boring life that would be. after all isn't that what we take the most pride in...getting better at things and progressing? i know i do. ironically i now believe that perfection would be much less satisfying than imperfection. i am grateful for days like today because at the end of the day i am able to say that i did my best and there is always tomorrow.