Be Thou Perfect

Perfectionism. this is me to the T. I have been thinking about this all day today. in a way it can be one of my greatest characteristics but at the same time one of my most debilitating. I used to think that being a "perfectionist" could only be positive trait to have...i was always proud to say i was a perfectionist because it made me feel more accomplished. Now I'm realizing that it is one of my greatest flaws.

School has been very frustrating for me this term. I have never been put in a position where i am working my butt off just to get a C. My whole life i have been able to get A's. If there was a subject that i didn't understand all i had to do was try a little harder, read a little more or do a little extra studying and i would be able to understand it. Not this semester. i have never experienced anything like this. I cant even describe how awful it feels to put hours and hours of studying in...only to feel like i would have gotten the same score by doing nothing at all. Am i wasting my time studying? am i stressing over nothing? Today after tedious tutoring sessions that left me on the verge of tears i put my books away and decided i wasn't even going to look at it for the rest of the day.

This is what got to thinking about this concept of perfectionism. why do i get so down when i cant be perfect? why do i even expect that i can be perfect in the first place? sometimes i just need to realize that I'm not always going to be able to check everything off my list, to reach every goal, or to please every one; and that's OK. nobody is expected to be able to do that. it is the let-downs in life that allow us to grow the most. if we didn't have these discouragements then we would have no room for improvement. What a boring life that would be. after all isn't that what we take the most pride in...getting better at things and progressing? i know i do. ironically i now believe that perfection would be much less satisfying than imperfection. i am grateful for days like today because at the end of the day i am able to say that i did my best and there is always tomorrow.

Coming Soon: "Life" the Musical

so i think that it would be incredibly awesome if life was one big musical. seriously it would be like high school musical but with life! Wouldn't it be cool if people just randomly through out the day broke out in song and dance? maybe i am weird but i think that i would love this. i think that the world would be a much happier place. it would make school and work a lot more exciting thats for sure... thats all i have to say.

The Devil is Real My Friends...

It is official...i am selling my soul to the devil (AKA Brigham Young University). I might be condemned for making that comparison ...but ill just repent later. Seriously though, this semester is kicking my trash. I feel like all i do is study and read and sit in class. What is worse is that i decided to take two very difficult classes during this short 6 week term (physical science and a metabolism class...which is basically chemistry). I have never felt so out of my element...no pun intended. I am really worried about making it through alive..ok maybe thats a little dramatic but i am worried about making it through with my insanity and decent grades. I guess i better get back to studying, i think that my brain might possibly explode.

Mama's Day

The older i get the more respect i have for not only my mom but my dad also. Raising kids has got to be one of the most difficult things we can ever do. What a huge responsibility and sacrifice. To be completely honest i am terrified to have kids. i see how much can go wrong and how hard it is to balance the line between being there friend yet establishing authority. If you're too lenient they get into trouble and if your too strict they get into trouble. Being a mom must be one of the most challenging things but at the same time most rewarding experiences. Sometimes i look back and i don't know how my parents dealt with me. At times im sure it took a lot of patience. I am grateful for my mom and happy that she is such a big part of my life. i don't know where i would be without her. There isnt a day that goes by that i don't either see her in person or call her to talk. My mom is the most service oriented person i know. she is ALWAYS thinking about others, remembering everyones birthdays and going out of her way to make them cupcakes and surprise them to celebrate. She is so willing to help others and put everyone before herself. I know she doesn't always receive the same in return yet she is still so eager to keep being charitable. My mom wants to make everyone happy, she is constantly making the world a better place and i am so lucky to have her influence in my life. If i had to find a single word to represent my mom, it would be sacrifice. She would do and does everything for her family and those she loves. I hope she knows how much i appreciate her and look up to her for her example. Love you mom!! dont know where i would be with out you!
-N

Happy No-Matter-What Day

I don’t think anybody can sum up the last two years of my life better than Charles Dickens himself with his famous line from A Tale of Two Cities: “twas the best of times twas the worst of times.”

As many know, May 7th is a significant date for me. It was exactly two years ago to this day that I thought the 7th of May would be a day that I would never forget. I was right. However, what I did not anticipate changing was the emotions and feelings that I would associate with this date. And while the contrast of these emotions was painstakingly difficult at times, I have learned to not only appreciate it for what it is, but more importantly come to peace with that disparity.

Over the last two years I have had experiences that I wouldn’t trade for the world, while at the same time wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. How does that work you might ask? Well that’s a good question. All I know is that over this last two years I have undergone more personal growth and self-discovery than I have in all my life. I have had my share of ups and downs, and lets just say that if we are using the analogy of “hills and valleys”…my “valleys” would have nearly dug themselves to china. But reversely, the same can be said for my “hills.” Life is not a flat path and for those who think it is are in for a harsh awakening. But needless to say most of my personal growth has come at my lowest of lows and for that I can say that if I could go back, I wouldn’t change a thing. Life is unpredictable. Time is a concept that I will probably never understand. I will never fully appreciate or comprehend how it can be so punishing; yet so rewarding. It has an incredible ability to heal the heart and that is something that I have learned personally.

One of my favorite artist once said: “it’s never easy to understand why memories hold our hand, but people let go.”

I love life. I love the opportunity to learn from trials. I love my friends and family. I am excited for what this new chapter in my life will bring.
-N

One of those days...

Today was quite the day to say the least. it started off by me waking up way late (which i never sleep in) rushing to put clothes on, lock my dog up, get my things together...you know the drill. Then i sprinted to the bus just in time to get on and then once at campus i booked it to class just in time, frantically sat down...and then realized that i was an hour early. yup. It was then that i knew that this was going to be one of those days where im just a little outta sink. But there was no time to fret about it..too much to do. school is really kicking my butt this semester. My classes are very difficult and i fell like i am selling my soul to the devil aka BYU (is it ok to make that analogy?) oh well i will repent later. in all seriousness i end up doing about 8 hours of school work a day, whether it be in class, labs, or homework. It is a little overwhelming. Today, even though technically i got an "early" start, felt like i was always one step behind on everything that needed to be done. i was rushed through everything and by the end of the day felt a little frazzled to say the least. But all in all there were some positive things about today:
1. The weather today was BEAUTIFUL! spring always makes me happy. the tulips were blooming everywhere.
2. i mailed my best friend/ roommate (who is on a mission) a package today.
3. My wonderful current roommate and dance party partner took me out for frozen yogurt
4. i randomly joined an intramural kickball team and played in our first game..which we won by the way!


speaking of kickball...who knew people played that besides elementary aged children right? well they do and it can get pretty competitive. it felt like a blast from the bast! i remember back in 6th grade when we would play every recess, and we would always give orders on how we wanted the pitch to come, "slow-medium-bouncey" or "medium-nobounce". Those were the good old days...

anyway, im off to do some homework, which i am really far behind on... And as hard and stressful as these days are its always a good feeling going to bed knowing that its over and tomorrow is a fresh start.
-N

Blogger?

So, I'm finally diving head first into the blogging world. Ive done an apartment blog with my roommates but now i have decided to start one just for myself. Now the problem is i don't know what to write... What do people write about on these things anyway? I feel like right now my mind is blank but i know that several times a day i have those "moments," you know those times when you wish there was someone there to experience it with you because it was either so hilarious, extremely ironic, or just so unbelievably bazaar that nobody would believe you if you told them...ya those moments. So I guess that's what i will write about because seriously, while you may think that I might fit in with your typical 22 year old college student mold, i would argue that my life is much more than that...in fact sometimes i wish it was a little more "normal." But Ive learned to expect nothing and love what you get! Be grateful and open minded and don't make plans, because life will change them!
-N